Who is Surya?

Surya Yalamanchili works on the Internet, was on a reality TV show, and was once a brand manager.
Read more about Surya.

Subscribe to SuryaSays

Subscribe via RSS
Subscribe via Email
Jan
02

some general 2008 thoughts.

I agree with my friends who say that leaving resolutions for New Years is kind of silly since we should just start them immediately. But New Years is also a great opportunity to reflect back (as are birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, etc), take stock, and make changes. So here are some random thoughts:

1) In 2009, I’m going to try and make the best out of all that I have and not focus on what I don’t have or lost. I know, I know: this should be something we do everyday. Well, I know I can do much better at this. Also, this is my number 1 because of all that I believe 2009 will bring. I really believe that, on a macro-level, things are going to get a lot worse before they get better. Whether it’s watching wealth “disappear” in the stock market, jobs lost, promotions not appear, contracts lost, some prices going up, etc — I (unfortunately) believe there will be a lot to bring one down. And, so, I’m resolving to accept that all of this will happen and I’ll celebrate and enjoy the one, two, or three things that are presently good in my life and situation. I’ll let you know how this one goes.

2) The iPhone brings me great joy. I’ve had the iPhone for the past 2 weeks and I love it. It shouldn’t be a surprise that I love my iPhone. When I got my first blackberry ~5 years ago, I immediately fell in love with it and was addicted. With the iPhone, I love the full Continue reading »

Dec
28

what if nike…

What if Nike expanded their definition of “commercials”?

I’ve long been a fan of Nike’s commercials. For fans of sport– those who love playing and watching, Nike has always tried to capture the essence of the sport we love, and of the individuals we admire. I remember the Jordan/Mars Blackman ads, the “tag” commercial, and the Courage commercial I blogged about a few months back– but the list is kind of endless.

So what if Nike changed how they thought about making commercials? What if instead of spending millions of dollars buying all of that TV inventory to broadcast these commercials, they took a chunk of that money, and hired some extra people to produce a bunch more of these beautiful 60 seconds “commercials”. Produce more by a factor of 5x. Then air them once or twice on TV (if at all), and seed them on youtube, facebook, etc. People like me would totally share them on Facebook and on our blogs. Distribution is free when people want to share your message. Nike is one of the rare companies that, by virtue of the category they compete in, and through really great marketing, have tapped into their consumer’s emotions. People associate themselves with the brand and are excited by it. If anyone should be leading the next generation of marketing, it’s a company like Nike.

Here’s the Lebron James, Candyman commercial which stirred this post. Not surprisingly, I love this commercial. Embedded below:

————–
What is this?
This is part of a regular series I’m writing about companies (online and offline) and ideas that I would execute if I was running them. To subscribe to just these marketing/monetization type what if articles, click here. For all my random thoughts, use this link. To give me lots of money so I can give you more ideas contact me.

Dec
26

what if pandora…

pandoraWhat if Pandora had more ways of making money?

Pandora, a site where you can basically create a radio station that is right for you, has been one of my favorite websites for the past few years. But based on everything I’ve read, more revenue streams would be a good thing for them. So here are some thoughts:

I’ll start with what Pandora does now. I think there current graphical advertising is actually pretty smart. They do custom skins around the “radio” that are for specific advertisers. What’s smart here is that they don’t take the lazy way out and just stick a banner ad or a 300 X 250 nearby. They increase recall of the ad message due to the unconventional size/design. And most importantly (and most novel) is they change the advertising skin every time you skip a song, rate something, or change stations. They know this is a natural point of user attention and leverage this to swap ads. As a brand manager, this is a compelling value proposition for my message. So hat tip to Pandora.

What if Pandora became the advertising platform for new artists?

How? Basically, an artist (the advertiser) would pay to have their songs inserted in relevant users radio station by selecting other artists that they feel they sound like/their fans also like. So I’d get 5 “regular” songs based on my tastes, and then the sixth one would be “sponsored”. It’s still music, so it’s not as jarring as an ad, but for it to be effective for the advertiser, it would also have to be a song that the listener would probably like anyway. This way Pandora’s “music DNA” becomes their secret algorithm for ad matching & new artist discovery. There are like 5 other things I have to add to this product, but short of the writing the actual spec, I’ll stop here. Pandora can contact me for the rest :)

Example:
I’m a new band that has our first album and have picked our our singles. I know that our music sounds like & most of our fans also like Bruce Springsteen & E-Street Band and Pete Yorn. I go into Pandora, prepay for 1000 “plays” (a sort of pay-per-click) and pick Bruce & Yorn as relevant tastes. Only users who like Springsteen and Yorn would get this “sponsored” song in their stream. Everyone wins (the sign of a great monetization model): artists have very few venues to get discovered, and users will only get “sponsored” songs that they would probably like and will have a method to discover new music.
/Example

I really like this idea because it would seem in our digital world the record labels are soon to be obsolete. If you’re an artist you primarily need two things a) promotion and b) distribution. iTunes and the like have distribution taken care of. Once any garage band or corner rapper can get their music in front of the right person at a relatively low cost, and distribution is effectively free we have the trappings of a really healthy music eco-system.

———
What is this?
This is part of a regular series I’m writing about companies (online and offline) and ideas that I would execute if I was running them. To subscribe to just these marketing/monetization type what if articles, click here. For all my random thoughts, use this link. To give me lots of money so I can give you more ideas contact me.

Dec
26

if you liked slumdog millionaire…

One of my favorite things to do with a couple of stray hours is to go sit in a theater and watch a movie. Growing up, there were few things I looked forward to as much. Past few weeks I’ve watched a bunch…

Slumdog Millionaire is an awesome movie. It’s a movie about growing up in the slums of India and is a great holiday movie. Go see it. For those of you who have seen Slumdog, and liked it, I have just the thing for you. Go buy/borrow A Fine Balance. One of the best books I’ve ever read about outcasts in India. But, be warned, for as amazing a book as it is, it’s going to depress the hell out of you.

Benjamin Button is also an awesome movie. If you liked Forrest Gump, you’ll love B Button. (that’s my best Amazon recommendation impression). There are a ridiculous amounts of similarities between the two– shrimp/lightning, breadth of historical coincidences, mothers who shape the main character’s lives, a love story that defines life, and like 10 other things. Anyway, this is an awesome epic of a movie. It might be movie of the year, but I haven’t really thought enough about it to say that.

Seven pounds is awful. I’m a little queasy even thinking of things to write. So don’t watch it.

Did you like American Beauty? Go see Revolution Road.

Now go buy A Fine Balance. You won’t regret it.

Dec
15

the next obama?

We’ll likely here more and more from Bobby Jindal. He’s the Indian-American governor of Louisiana with a very impressive background. Rhodes Scholar, President of the U of L system before 30 and governor at 36. He’s a Republican. He’s a great marketer: “Bubbas for Bobby” was his campaign to get white southern males, a constituency which was likely his hardest to gain, to campaign for him.

Newsweek gives him some high-profile treatment. Worth the read.

Dec
09

this is hilarious.

So what if the world is ending around us? These two videos are freaking hilarious. SNL– call him! Seriously.

Dec
08

america and her car companies.

This was a sloppy, not-as-coherent-as-should-be post, and so I’ve rewritten it.

We have a lot to be pissed off about. Literally trillions of dollars of (in theory) taxpayer money are being given to corporations to “bail them out.” This after years of lush profits, exorbitant bonuses, and executives living like it was the gilded age. I’ve been really pissed off. But about two different things:

1) What the hell is going on with our financial services companies? We have had to give them hundreds of billions of dollars to keep them solvent, their reckless risk-taking has endangered economies and financial markets around the world (do you know of any unharmed?). But what pisses me off even more is that these companies are still paying out dividends and giving out ridiculously large bonuses. This is absolutely ridiculous and one of the most shameful giveaways I’ve ever seen. We’re OK with families losing their homes AND with Bankers still pulling in $500K bonuses for starting this train wreck? Are you kidding? While it might have seemed justified for people to be getting paid millions of dollars for moving around money when it seemed like they were actually creating value–what’s the excuse now? This is shameful.

2) The auto companies are getting eaten alive by the public and showered with scorn. Some of it deserved. But, especially when compared wiht what they financials have done to us, I’m shocked at how deep this feeling goes. The recent cover story in Time magazine nails it.Here’s the first paragraph.

“This is the thanks you get for creating the middle class, Henry (Ford). In the throes of the biggest auto swoon since 1931, the headmen of Detroit go hat in hand to Washington to try to keep their once might industry upright for a couple of months and are treated as if they had invented the four-wheel-drive subprime mortgage. AIG torpedoes the entire economy and gets a $150 billion handout; Citgroup takes risks no sane manufacturing company would even contemplate and is rewarded with a $20 billion federal bailout. And the car guys?”

So I’ll posit that a lot of this has to do with the fact that while how the financial companies wrecked our economy is kind of hard to understand (something about mortgages and credit cards), it’s pretty damned easy to understand why Detroit needs help. It’s because they’ve made poor quality cars, that looked bad, with workers who they’ve paid too much money. These guys deserve to die. Let ‘em. So I guess I can see how the haterade storm on Detroit came about. I just think it’s gone way overboard. Here’s why:

A) Fundamentally, I think most Americans have never forgiven GM, Ford, or Chrysler.

Almost everyone I know in their 20’s and 30’s has an aversion to American cars. You say Chevrolet and they’ll say “crap.” GM (I’m going to use GM as a proxy)made really, really bad cars in the 70’s and 80’s. In fact, I can remember some of those cars growing up. They required constant repairs. Entire generations moved over to imports with their superior quality and damned the Big 3 to the trash heap out of their consideration set. And today, when those companies fail, many Americans see this as evidence of why they were right to abandon American cars. They’ve never been forgiven.

The truth is that the quality gap has closed. As Time points out, or any number of publications, over the past decade quality is no longer a differentiating factor. But as any marketer knows, perception is reality, and its sure hard to change. The marketing wisdom is that if the success of your product is dependent on changing a consumer’s opinion, you’re probably going to lose. And so this has been the predominant problem for GM, et al– the perception gap. And GM’s marketers have failed miserably. This isn’t new. I’ve called these guys idiots for years now– here’s a blog post from ~2 years ago, where I beg them to apologize for making crappy cars and move on. A drastic reevaluation of your brand by a consumer requires drastic messaging.

B) GM’s cost structure reflects stubbornness, a lack of cooperation, and an era long passed. The cost structure of a living wage, health care, and a pension is reflective of the era of very profitable American manufacturing base and a corporate parent willing (or forced?) to share in the profits with its labor. The social compact to share in the success with the workers dates back to Henry Ford nearly doubling the wages of his workers so they, too, could afford a Model T. Yet, as their industry spiraled into decay thanks to poor quality, globalization, and leaner competition, these contracts and labor arrangement barely budged. Also worth mentioning are the other problems — pensions and health care costs reflect a time when an employee would retire at 65 and be dead by 67. 15 years of these costs vs 2 is a big difference. These are legacy costs. Bob Lutz summed it up well in the NYT yesterday:

“You get these people who say, ‘I know what I’d do if I were C.E.O. of G.M., like close up all the union plants and set up plants down South with non-union labor,’ ” he said. “Well, any idiot can figure that one out. But how conceivably can you get that done?”

C) If GM was such a crappy company that deserves to die, how can you explain it being the #1 car manufacturer in China and having much success everywhere else in the world?

D) It does matter where a company is headquartered– GM has the majority of their engineering and design staff here in the states. It’s not just manufacturing jobs we’re talking about. These are high value jobs that will disappear. America already doesn’t design or make TV’s, DVD players, cameras, or hundreds of other technically advanced things. We shouldn’t add cars to the list.

E) I forgot where i read this, but someone made the point that one of the primary drivers of the Japanese and Koreans basing their US auto production in the US vs Mexico was they were already foreign. They (rightly) concluded that American’s would consider them the same as GM, Ford, Chrysler if some of the cars were put together here. Without a true American manufacturer, why should they maintain more expensive labor? Let’s not even talk about expensive engineers and designers– these jobs will be based in their home office (Japan, Korea, Germany, etc) or China, India, etc.

F) This *current* crisis for the Big 3 *WAS* caused by the financial crisis. Yes. GM (which I’ve been using as a proxy) has had problems and made a number of mistakes. But they’ve known about this and have been working on fixing them. In fact, they had enough liquidity to take them through all of ‘09. But then auto sales fell off a cliff almost dropping in half. This isn’t limited just GM, Ford or Chrysler. Honda, Toyota, etc is seeing this as well. They, however, aren’t burdened by the weight of history. Legacy costs threaten to kill the American 3. You could be stubborn on either side of this: If GM had made good cars, they wouldn’t be in this position. Or, if not for the financial crisis, GM would have survived because they were on their way to righting the ship. The truth is it’s both of these, right?

G) This is an opportunity. GM has inched its way to this point over the past few decades. There have been a number of union renegotiations, new car designs, and inventive research and development (The Volt anyone?) The problem is they never went far enough, because GM was never close enough to the edge. Now they are. As long as legacy costs can be brought in line (with an incentive given to labor to benefit in the upside of a leaner, more profitable company in exchange for their guarantees), and the necessary trimming to an infrastructure in line with their viable market share (think selling brands, closing dealerships, some plants and making the rest very flexible) GM can be a profitable and prosperous american enterprise. And then, as I said in my previous post 2 years ago, GM should use this as an opportunity to fess up for past mistakes, explain what they’re doing, talk about their quality improvements (YELL ABOUT THEM!), and ask Americans to invest at home again. (Full disclosure: I’ve owned a Pontiac and 2 Saturns and love buying American). With really great cars like the Cadillac CTS, Chevy Malibu, etc, a great communications campaign, and a competitive cost structure, we can compete.

If anything is clear from the financial crisis, it’s that this idiotic idea that America can compete just on services and doesn’t have to make anything is a recipe for disaster. (All of the financial instruments of mass destruction which triggered this meltdown were a large chunk of those magical service revenue). As a country, we’ve already let the vast majority of our manufacturing base leave. This is one of the last vestiges of an industry that we need (think national security).

In summation, I’m not apologizing for (OK, maybe a little) GM & gang, I’m asking you to look at it with a bit more nuance.

Dec
06

what if google maps…

g maps

I love Google Maps. I have no sense of direction whatsoever, and since the days of Mapquest on my AOL in the late 90’s I’ve been hooked on the category. Google Maps has always been the best for me given how uncluttered it is, the crisp AJAX display, and recently the actual street views! Oh, and for a while there I was using it with the GPS in my blackberry to guide me everywhere. Oh how I loved it.

So what if Google Maps actually got intelligent? Today, if I enter my trip, I’ll get the estimated travel time and a second number for with traffic. Google Maps should tell me how long it will take if I were to leave now. Give me the option to change the time of the trip and then estimate traffic load at that time. Or, if I’m a Google Calendar user, see if this syncs up with any of my appts and take the time from there w/an estimate. Think about how many times you’ve had to factor in traffic, etc in your head. With traffic data becoming so cheap and omnipresent, this is a no-brainer. Photos are cool– this is actionable and would help me be on time more. The question people ask when they get to Google maps are 1) How do I get there? and 2) How long will it take me to get there? This improves the second part of that question.

Full disclosure, this was one of the ideas that I suggested to Google when I interviewed with them in 07. I’ll blog about the second suggestion I had later in the week.


Want to subscribe to the full feed of my ramblings? Click here. For just want my marketing “What If…” posts, click here.

Dec
04

what if mcdonalds…

What if McDonalds rethought how they looked at marketing?

McD’s is a brand that’s fed its customers for nearly 70 years and fed 47 million people daily. Both its reach and longevity can’t be argued, and are impressive. McD’s makes food that people really like and sells it for a price that can’t be beat. But it is squandering so many opportunities. I say this as one of the biggest customers of fast food in America. Wendy’s got me through college (it’s what we had at the student center). And since then I’ve regularly indulged on McD’s and the King. And, yeah, I know it’s not healthy and that I need to eat better. Anyway.

1) Make the largest, highest-profile, busiest restaurants an experience to visit. I never understood why the McDonalds’ in the heart of NYC, where millions of tourists stop for their meals are just as dilapidated, and sometimes, dirty, as they are elsewhere in the country. Invest in these McD’s to make them the nicest anywhere in the country. When a tourist, visitor, businessman, whatever, stops to eat there they’re blown away by a delightful experience. Triple the staff that’s cleaning so the place is always spotless. Make all the tables and chairs super-comfortable. Make sure the climate is always perfect. Ensure the smell of the place is of muted tasty food. Have a number system so someone will bring your food to your table avoiding clustering around the counter. Increase the assembly staff so the food is carefully prepared and looks amazing. Sure this eats into margins. But this is the best advertising McD’s could ever get. People having a positive experience, leading to increased repeats or new trial in their hometown. Use these stores as advertisements.

2) Pay attention to the details in all your stores. McD’s can’t make all their stores walking ads, but they can pay attention to the details. I’ve heard that McD’s is remodeling all their stores to improve the decor and seating. I think that’s great. But the fundamentals have always been most important to me: A clean store, counter, and visible kitchen area. A cashier who doesn’t sneer at and/or ignore me. And, finally, a meal doesn’t look like it was thrown together by a blind man. The first two are, no doubt, constant topics of conversation at McD’s headquarters. Better procedures, systems, and pay (duh) should take care of these. A carefully made sandwich though is something that I’ve only rarely seen. And when you get to the detail of having a to bag with the sandwich tucked nicely in with the fries, napkins on the side and crisply closed with a fold, that’s pride in a product. That’s a product that people will value.

3. Your stores are everywhere, so use the exterior to announce your offers. I don’t get why McD’s wastes millions of dollars announcing their latest promotion. They have stores every five feet. Take advantage of this with a consistent outdoor spot where you announce the latest promotion. Entice me as I’m passing by. There’s so much more you can do with less.

Moving out to the Bay and from packaged goods to technology wasn’t hard. Why? Because it’s always been my belief that if the product is wrong, all the marketing in the world can’t save you. Making these changes to the product is the *best* marketing McDonald’s can do. When McD’s (and, honestly, every other fast food chain) starts valuing their food and taking pride in the details, I’m pretty sure they’ll begin to build brand loyalty. Maybe then they can spend all that money on commercials.


This is the first in an a series that I’ll be writing about companies (online and offline) and ideas that I would execute if I was running them. Like everyone else, I dream of the day when I can have companies actually pay me for ideas (ha!). Maybe after a 1000 of these, one of the companies will actually approach me :) Here’s the RSS link to subscribe to just articles about marketing. I know there are people who would just want to subscribe to these “marketing” thoughts and not my politics and random other thoughts. (thanks, Ben, for the link!)

Nov
23

the laundry list in my head.

Here’s a laundry list of what’s been bouncing around in my head the past few days.

1) Obama likely ran the best campaign in history. From approaching the campaign with a data-based decision making process, thinking through weakness and strengths and letting this guide a communications/tactical strategy, a consistent (reassuring) image and message to voters, and an efficient deployment of technology– just from a business case approach this was remarkable. The New Yorker has a good article on it all. When insiders either write, or contribute heavily to a definitive account of the operations and logistics of the campaign, I’ll be first in line to buy and study the book.

2) There is more fear in the air than I can ever recall. September 11th was a very different kind of fear and nakedness to the harsher elements of the world. Talking to friends, and more importantly strangers, and reading the accounts of what’s going on in broad swaths of America– there is real, palpable fear for the future. The stock markets are a reflection of sentiment (and probably themselves guide sentiment to some degree, completing the cycle) and it’s ugly. An organization, nation, etc needs renewal. The thing is we needed this back in 2001 at the latest. But we put it off by inflating home values and pushing the levels of credit. Continue reading »

Nov
19

romney on autos.

Romney has a good op-ed that cuts right to it. Here’s another great one.

While that’s sad, it at least gives you hope for the future. This just freaks me out.

Sigh, this and everything else seems to be going wrong in the country/world. I’d ask for it to end, but these days when I say that, I worry that it will all, actually end.

Nov
13

election wrap-up.

Being overseas for the election was a strange, but interesting experience. Everywhere I turned in India (and in Dubai), people wanted to talk to me about “Obama.” Literally, for some of the people that I met, “Obama” was one of their few words of English. That, and I guess you could add “change” to that as well.

As the pundits and prognosticators were predicting, the final tally was not close. Here are some random, general thoughts:

1) John McCain gave an amazing concession speech. Obviously it was very well written and delivered. But more than that he did something which was invaluable: he broached the topic of race and celebrated the significance of the event. I haven’t seen this talked about anywhere, but to me this is huge. With McCain acknowledging the racial-importance of the event, he in a way, freed up Obama to be “post-racial”. Obama barely acknowledged this aspect of his election, and instead focused (rightly in my opinion) on the huge challenges ahead of us and on what has been accomplished to date. This was enabled by McCain’s magnanimous, graceful, and powerful speech. Huge hat tip there.

2) What a 4 years. I still remember the feeling I had 4 years ago when I was watching the Convention and some guy I had never heard of was giving a speech. Within minutes I was captivated. While I’ve always been a sucker for a good speech (Kennedy brothers, Lincoln, King, Reagan, Clinton, McCain were all speeches that I had read over and over again), this was something new. When he talked of being a skinny kid with a funny name, and about things only being possible in America, I felt for the first time a tinge of identification. Hey, that could be me talking up there. I was literally jumping up and down during that speech. I called my friend Gedioen five minutes in because I felt like this was something else– something historic and he had to be watching it too. What a 4 years. I would have never thought.

3) Good night, Bradley Effect.
Ford Jr in 06, and now Obama, in high-profile ways are putting this ugly phenomenon to bed. Good night and good riddance.

4) Technology disrupted. In ‘04 there was big talk on the Dean campaign that he was the Internet candidate. Sure he raised a lot of money, had a great website, and did some organizing, but I failed to understand the hype. Obama had a rock-star team who got the Internet and used it in new and powerful ways. From the dissemination of key information, organizing volunteers, raising money, you name it, they did it. This is a book waiting to be written that I can’t wait to read. Chris Hughes leaving FB for the campaign is a genius and he should be ridiculously proud of his (teams) contribution. Change.gov is another brilliant one, and I think they’ll get an unprecedented level of qualified candidates out of it.

5) I don’t envy the task ahead of Obama. The country is in disarray and Obama faces one of the biggest challenges (if not *the*) since the Roosevelts. Things are ridiculously bad and getting worse. I don’t need to overstate it because everyone probably sees it already.

Some great election reading:
Every Presidential election Newsweek embeds reporters in both campaigns for a year with the promise that they won’t publish till post election. This is their story (uber-long and amazing.)

New Yorker on the campaign of John McCain.

New Yorker on significance of Obama.

Oct
25

i’m off.

Off to Dubai (UAE), Hyderabad, Vijayawada, and Goa (India) for a couple of weeks. This will be the first time in my life I’m out of the country for both an election and my birthday. Not to worry, my absentee ballot in this critical swing state of California was dropped in the mail earlier this week. And I’ll be anxiously watching election coverage through the night and early morning. In fact, observing opinions and reactions to the elections overseas might be pretty interesting.

Hopefully some posts from the road! I haven’t traveled since my amazing Berlin, Barcelona, Rome, Paris trip in May 07.

Oct
21

ohio is america.

for so many reasons. Must read new yorker on obama, ohio, and the election. Yeah, I call a lot “must read”. Sorry.

Oct
17

greatest letter ever.

The below note is the greatest thing I’ve read in a while. It brings tremendous happiness to me. Dude who wrote it, Andrew Lahde, is the manager of a small California hedge fund, Lahde Capital, who made 866 percent betting against the subprime collapse. That’s a lot of money.

Dear Investor:

Today I write not to gloat. Given the pain that nearly everyone is experiencing, that would be entirely inappropriate. Nor am I writing to make further predictions, as most of my forecasts in previous letters have unfolded or are in the process of unfolding. Instead, I am writing to say goodbye.

Recently, on the front page of Section C of the Wall Street Journal, a hedge fund manager who was also closing up shop (a $300 million fund), was quoted as saying, “What I have learned about the hedge fund business is that I hate it.” I could not agree more with that statement. I was in this game for the money. The low hanging fruit, i.e. idiots whose parents paid for prep school, Yale, and then the Harvard MBA, was there for the taking. These people who were (often) truly not worthy of the education they received (or supposedly received) rose to the top of companies such as AIG, Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers and all levels of our government. All of this behavior supporting the Aristocracy, only ended up making it easier for me to find people stupid enough to take the other side of my trades. God bless America.

There are far too many people for me to sincerely thank for my success. However, I do not want to sound like a Hollywood actor accepting an award. The money was reward enough. Furthermore, the endless list those deserving thanks know who they are.

I will no longer manage money for other people or institutions. I have enough of my own wealth to manage. Some people, who think they have arrived at a reasonable estimate of my net worth, might be surprised that I would call it quits with such a small war chest. That is fine; I am content with my rewards. Moreover, I will let others try to amass nine, ten or eleven figure net worths. Meanwhile, their lives suck. Appointments back to back, booked solid for the next three months, they look forward to their two week vacation in January during which they will likely be glued to their Blackberries or other such devices. What is the point? They will all be forgotten in fifty years anyway. Steve Balmer, Steven Cohen, and Larry Ellison will all be forgotten. I do not understand the legacy thing. Nearly everyone will be forgotten. Give up on leaving your mark. Throw the Blackberry away and enjoy life.

So this is it. With all due respect, I am dropping out. Please do not expect any type of reply to emails or voicemails within normal time frames or at all. Andy Springer and his company will be handling the dissolution of the fund. And don’t worry about my employees, they were always employed by Mr. Springer’s company and only one (who has been well-rewarded) will lose his job.

I have no interest in any deals in which anyone would like me to participate. I truly do not have a strong opinion about any market right now, other than to say that things will continue to get worse for some time, probably years. I am content sitting on the sidelines and waiting. After all, sitting and waiting is how we made money from the subprime debacle. I now have time to repair my health, which was destroyed by the stress I layered onto myself over the past two years, as well as my entire life — where I had to compete for spaces in universities and graduate schools, jobs and assets under management — with those who had all the advantages (rich parents) that I did not. May meritocracy be part of a new form of government, which needs to be established.

On the issue of the U.S. Government, I would like to make a modest proposal. First, I point out the obvious flaws, whereby legislation was repeatedly brought forth to Congress over the past eight years, which would have reigned in the predatory lending practices of now mostly defunct institutions. These institutions regularly filled the coffers of both parties in return for voting down all of this legislation designed to protect the common citizen. This is an outrage, yet no one seems to know or care about it. Since Thomas Jefferson and Adam Smith passed, I would argue that there has been a dearth of worthy philosophers in this country, at least ones focused on improving government. Capitalism worked for two hundred years, but times change, and systems become corrupt. George Soros, a man of staggering wealth, has stated that he would like to be remembered as a philosopher. My suggestion is that this great man start and sponsor a forum for great minds to come together to create a new system of government that truly represents the common man’s interest, while at the same time creating rewards great enough to attract the best and brightest minds to serve in government roles without having to rely on corruption to further their interests or lifestyles. This forum could be similar to the one used to create the operating system, Linux, which competes with Microsoft’s near monopoly. I believe there is an answer, but for now the system is clearly broken.

Lastly, while I still have an audience, I would like to bring attention to an alternative food and energy source. You won’t see it included in BP’s, “Feel good. We are working on sustainable solutions,” television commercials, nor is it mentioned in ADM’s similar commercials. But hemp has been used for at least 5,000 years for cloth and food, as well as just about everything that is produced from petroleum products. Hemp is not marijuana and vice versa. Hemp is the male plant and it grows like a weed, hence the slang term. The original American flag was made of hemp fiber and our Constitution was printed on paper made of hemp. It was used as recently as World War II by the U.S. Government, and then promptly made illegal after the war was won. At a time when rhetoric is flying about becoming more self-sufficient in terms of energy, why is it illegal to grow this plant in this country? Ah, the female. The evil female plant — marijuana. It gets you high, it makes you laugh, it does not produce a hangover. Unlike alcohol, it does not result in bar fights or wife beating. So, why is this innocuous plant illegal? Is it a gateway drug? No, that would be alcohol, which is so heavily advertised in this country. My only conclusion as to why it is illegal, is that Corporate America, which owns Congress, would rather sell you Paxil, Zoloft, Xanax and other additive drugs, than allow you to grow a plant in your home without some of the profits going into their coffers. This policy is ludicrous. It has surely contributed to our dependency on foreign energy sources. Our policies have other countries literally laughing at our stupidity, most notably Canada, as well as several European nations (both Eastern and Western). You would not know this by paying attention to U.S. media sources though, as they tend not to elaborate on who is laughing at the United States this week. Please people, let’s stop the rhetoric and start thinking about how we can truly become self-sufficient.

With that I say good-bye and good luck.

All the best,

Andrew Lahde”

If I ever manage to make any substantive amount of money, look for a letter of similar inspiration.

From:
Portfolio: Hedge Fund Manager: Goodbye and F—- You
http://www.portfolio.com/views/blogs/daily-brief/2008/10/17/hedge-fund-manager-goodbye-and-f-you